The adventures of an elementary/intermediate school educational/special education aide substitute. Who also happens to be slightly insane.

I was sitting at the computer, innocently working on my Giant Eagle shopping list, when I decided to refresh the substitute website.  For the 20th time.  And suddenly there was a posting.  For the next morning at 7:45.  I hesitated.  Glenn was heading out of town at 6:00 am that morning.  Andrew needed to be at art club at 7:30.  Brooke needed to be at book club at 7:50.

Could I make it work?  Without thinking about it too much longer, I hit "accept," and it was a done deal.

Of course I could make it work.  Because I am slightly obsessed with this whole subbing thing.  It messes with your brain.  I never thought I would get any work in my own district.  It seemed so saturated with subs.  But I took some less-desirable jobs, got my face out there, didn't hesitate to call the human resources person (who has since called me personally to sub since she knows who I am), and (of course) did a good job.  Now I have plenty of opportunities, but since it still seems too good to be true, I am sometimes scared to turn a job down for fear that I'll never get another call.  (Plus, I'm competing with people like this.)  I know, I know.  It's absurd.  But this is my crazy mind at its best.

So I came up with a plan.  I would get Andrew to school for the art club, then drop Brooke off at a friend's house on the way to the school I was subbing at.  I ironed my clothes and packed my lunch the night before.  I set my alarm a little earlier to still get my exercise in.  (Never mind the fact that I crawled back into bed for a few more minutes, thinking I'd just ditch the exercise, but then realized that there wasn't much point and I should just get up.)  This was going to work out perfectly.

Except it didn't.  All of a sudden it was 7:30 and somehow I was still trying to make my spinach shake, get my teeth brushed, find some socks (never happened), convince Andrew and Brooke to get themselves in the car instead of just standing in the laundry room, and hang up the phone with the mom of the neighbor girl we were supposed to pick up for art club.  (Yes, we're late.  Yes, we'll be there.  Please!  Let me hang up so that I can get out of here!).

Finally, we were on the road, but despite the phone call wondering where we are, the neighbor girl didn't come out to the car immediately.  Really?  Precious time is slipping away!  I got the art clubbers to the school and headed towards the friend's house.  As we were about to turn down her street, we see her car leaving the development.  It is at this point that I start panicking.

It is 7:45.  I am supposed to be to the school now.  Brooke is supposed to be to school now.  Her school is in the opposite direction.  There is no time to get her there.  My phone is pretty much dead.  Not enough juice to make a bunch of phone calls.  What. Do. I. Do?

In a situation like this, there was only one thing to do.  Call my saintly mother-in-law.  She truly was my savior that morning.  She came to the school I was working at, picked Brooke up, and took her to school.  I felt so awful that I had gotten myself into this ridiculous situation and had to call her to bail me out I was literally sick to my stomach. 

But there wasn't much time to wallow.  It was time to try to convince one kiddo that he did actually want to color his picture like the model instead of sit under the table, and another that he needed to sneeze into his elbow rather than right in my face.  Time cover two bulletin boards with butcher paper for the art teacher.  Time to stop a pair of twins in a small group of three from arguing about burps and who has the best handwriting.  Time to keep another small group focused on correcting their math homework instead of on the pictures of the principal wakeboarding that were laying on the table of the conference room.  Time to realize that five minutes for a math facts test is actually a good chunk of quiet time in which a teacher can accomplish quite a lot.  Time to fight off a splitting headache that was making it really hard to correct those (very elementary) time tests.  Time to wish I had found those socks since I had to spend 45 minutes outside on recess duty.

Time to confirm that I truly must be mental, because I agreed to come back the next day.