Sweat Test

My superhuman ability to sweat under any circumstances was going to be put to the test during this vacation. We all know my powers thrive in the humidity. But out West, as they say, "It's a dry heat." Could it be possible? Could the desert sun be kryptonite to my perspiration?

It seemed as though the dry air might triumph at first. Wednesday morning I got out of the shower and was able to actually dry off! I thought I may actually be able to escape sweat's evil grip, if only for a week. But then I saw the forecast for Las Vegas and St. George--record breaking highs of 100+ degrees. I began to lose some of my swagger.

The drive to St. George was comfortably air conditioned, as we watched the temperature gage in the van climb steadily into the three digit range. No problem, I thought. I will not let the heat get the best of me, not out here. But things took a turn for the worse, though, as we waited at a park to meet a friend for lunch. Even the arid climate was no match for my sweat. It took over and it wasn't long before I was soaked through, and stayed that way until we were in Utah County.

Still, I had hope, since I didn't feel like I needed a second shower 10 minutes after my first one. However, it all hit rock bottom during our hike up Mt. Timpanogos. Not many have seen me when I am completely at perpsiration's mercy, when it has a death-like hold over me. It is an elite circle, one I do not let many into by choice. Yet there are two new members of this unfortunate club--my sister and brother-in-law, Julie and Keith. As we climbed the trail I was powerless in hiding my true nature, a melted, dripping mess.

Back in Las Vegas, we took in the Strip. There were hundreds of people out and about, all shapes and sizes and colors and varying amounts of clothing. Yet of all those people in the crowd, I saw no one else as wilted and soaked as I. I fear I am alone in this, the sole human who turns to liquid in any kind of heat, humid or dry. There is no stopping my inner sweaty villian from rearing its ugly head at any given moment. I am alone in this journey. This is my fate. This is my destiny.